Self-Loathing

It was a couple of days ago just when the mirror accidentally found me and had two minutes of face time with myself. I had to ask, is this really me?

I was kind of reminded of a timid little boy who had little guts to speak up in front of class or strike up a conversation with a classmate. Flashes of a teenager who had to rehearse words only to gobble it up in front of a girl and a trying hard wanna be rocker spilling lyrics of Pearl Jam without knowing any single relatable experience.

Much has changed over the course of those years. Much has remained and yet this much has been all been due to the people in my life. I have changed a lot and the mirror says no fairest one of all lies, it just stares you blankly and frankly.

I am a selfish sonnabitch, if truth be told. I don't care much for other but care too much of what others might think. It may come of as pleasing others or doing them favors only those favors shall reap rewards in the future. A vicious man is what I am. I do not even know if a am a good father or worse a good person.

Looking at the mirror changes nothing. My reflection stays the same. The creases and the scars are still there and the dark spots still lurks in the most unfortunate places.